Wrong Place, Really Wrong Time
by jwmathias
Summary: He was caught in the wrong place at a really wrong time. Now Doug Penhall has some serious explaining to do to his Captain. COMPLETE. Rated T Teen for mild profanity and adult themes.


**21 Jump Street**

**Wrong Place, _Really_ Wrong Time**

§§§

He was caught inthe wrong place at a_really_ wrong time. Now Doug Penhall has some serious explaining to do to his Captain.

**Ratings Advisory:** Rated T (Teen) for mild profanity and adult themes.

§§§

Doug Penhall walked into the chapel that Thursday morning three hours late and looking sheepish. His partner made a point of looking at his watch as the man approached his desk but said nothing.

"I know, I know. Fuller been looking for me?" Doug asked.

Tom Hanson reached under his desk and retrieved the large first aid kit that had until about an hour ago hung on a wall in the chapel. Handing it to the larger man, he said simply. "You better take this in with you. You're probably gonna need it."

Doug looked up at the doorway to the Captain's office but instead saw the man himself standing there, bidding him to enter with the slow curling of his right index finger. He was way too calm. This was not good. The angry and yelling Fuller was one thing, but the calm, silent Fuller was another animal altogether and far more dangerous to unfortunate subordinate officers. Like himself.

Doug grabbed the first aid kit and hugged it tightly to his chest before walking the final walk to his impending doom.

§§§

Adam Fuller closed the door to his office quietly, gently as soon as Penhall entered. He went around the side of his desk and took his seat, all the while, his eyes never left the younger officer. He did not order or invite the man to sit. He let him stand and squirm, clutching that damned first aid kit Hanson gave him like it was his blankie.

Leaning back in his high-backed leather executive chair, he bridged his fingers and lay them atop his stomach. He said nothing.

Doug waited. And waited some more. Still his Captain said not a word. Not even with his expression. It, too, was silent.

Shifting uneasily from one foot to the other, he began. "I know I'm really late Cap'n, but I have a good reason."

Still nothing. No encouraging him to continue. No telling him to shut up.

"Okay, um, you see, um, the thing is, um, I was kinda, sorta, like, in jail until about a half hour ago."

Fuller still said nothing or reacted in any way. Doug was sure the man knew what had happened. He could tell, but he was going to make him suffer awhile.

"You see, I was at the wrong place, at the _really_ wrong time, and well I just kinda got caught up in it. I wasn't trying to get arrested or anything. It just sorta -- happened," he trailed off.

Silence.

"And, I tried to call Tommy last night to come bail me out, but he didn't answer- must have had a hot date or something - and well, that was my one phone call, so I had to wait until they could process me out this morning with, uh, the others."

Silence.

"I know, I embarrassed the department and the unit, but I didn't do anything wrong. Really. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Doug moved to sit down on the couch that filled most of one wall of the Captain's office and take his reaming like a coward with his metallic blankie protecting him.

"Remain standing," Fuller ordered without a hint of emotion. So much for the coward's way out, but hey, the silent beastcaptain seemed to be retreating, so all wasn't lost.

Fuller let him squirm for a couple of minutes more before he spoke again.

"Hanson wasn't the only one with a date last night. Barbara took me to an art gallery--"

"Hey, you and Barbara are still going out? Good for you. She's a great –"

"Shut up, Penhall."

"Yes, sir."

"Now art galleries aren't really my thing but her sister finally got a show of her own and it was opening night--," Fuller paused, daring Penhall to say something to interrupt his narrative. For once, he wisely stayed mute.

"I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised. Gloria, that's Barbara's sister, had taken some very interesting photos."

_Oh shit_, Doug thought, _don't tell me there are pictures of last night's humiliation._

"Not as interesting as the ones I got to see this morning, though." Adam sat upright in his chair and slowly pushed a manila file folder across his desk.

Penhall audibly gulped. _Oh shit. There's pictures._ He stared at the folder but made no move to open it. After a minute, Captain Fuller pulled it back and opened it.

"Here's one you might be interested in. It would seem that this is you, arriving at the Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor on 9th." Fuller placed the photo in front of Penhall, allowing him to see himself as the surveillance team did.

"Oh look, here you are again, entering the Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor on 9th."

"Captain, I can explain –"

"Really? I'd sure like to hear it because I can't for the life of me figure out what the Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor has to do with your current assignment, which I believe, is to catch whoever it is at Keating who is calling in bomb threats from the school's pay phones."

"Well, it – doesn't."

"Hmm. Let's see if we can figure out exactly what is was you were doing at the Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor then, shall we?"

Okay, there were pictures _and _Fuller was making a point of including the words 'Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor' into every sentence. Nothing good could possibly come of this.

Fuller put another photo on the desk. This one showed his officer inside the building in what appeared to be the garishly decorated lobby of the aforementioned massage parlor, leaning against a wall and smiling as he talked to a heavily made up but scarcely dressed young woman.

"Here, you seem to have met a young lady. Help me out here, Doug, what does that sign above your head say?"

Doug closed his eyes and said a quick silent prayer that the floor would open up and swallow him alive or a swarm of locusts would swoop in and eat the photographic evidence – whatever. No such luck. When he opened his eyes he was still in the captain's office and there were no flying insects to be seen, just his captain waiting for him to read the text of the clearly visible sign above his head.

"Full. Body. Erotic. Massage. $100."

"Hmm. Interesting. I'm curious. What all comes with a $100 Full Body Erotic Massage?"

"I wouldn't know, sir."

"Really. Tell me, Douglas, did you know that the young lady was a prostitute?"

Lying crossed his mind, after all, it would probably lead Fuller to hasten his death. Instead, he only obfuscated. "It did occur to me that she could maybe, possibly be. But I didn't know that for sure and we were only talking, just talking, and not even about sex either."

_Oh shit, why'd he have to go and say the "S" word?_

Another photo was slid across the desk toward him. This time he was in a different room with a different scantily clad young woman.

"It would seem you are a very popular guy down at the Forbidden Pleasures Massage Parlor, at least with the young ladies. Why, this one is letting you take her bra off."

"I was trying to put it back on her, sir –"

Okay, that even sounded like a lie to him, but it was the truth. And then it dawned on him. There were cameras in the private rooms. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Douglas, why aren't you wearing any pants? Or shirt? Or anything else for that matter?"

"Captain, I swear to god, I wasn't naked. See, I have a towel on. I even had my underwear on under the towel."

"Let's just assume for a minute that I believe you, how would you explain this memorable image?"

Fuller passed another photo across the desk. This one showed his officer lying on his back on a table with the bra and panty clad young woman sitting astride his pelvis, rubbing his chest.

"See, now there –"

Before Penhall could offer up what was sure to be a creative explanation another photo was slid in his direction. This one was very much like the previous one only Penhall was now on his stomach with a stupid, somewhat vacant grin on his face.

"Captain, I swear to god. I only went there for a shiatsu. They'll actually do it if you ask them to."

"Are you telling me that, thing she was using on you later was a _dog_?"

"What? A dog. No, the rat dogs are _shih-tzu._ I was getting a _shiatsu _– you know, -- massage. My lower back gets all tight sometimes. They help."

Fuller only stared at him.

"Really! The fuzzy thing was – well, I don't know exactly what she was trying to do with that, she didn't really speak much English. Might have been some sort or cleansing ritual or something. I don't know. No one's ever done that before."

"Before? Do you frequent massage parlors regularly, Penhall?"

"Only when I need a massage. I swear to god, I only go there for the massages. How was I supposed to know Vice was going to raid the place last night?"

"Didn't the fact that the woman was wearing only a bra and panties send up any red flags that maybe there was more going on in that place than just simple massages, assuming of course, you were just getting a massage? And I am not happy to hear that you seem to be a repeat customer."

"You've obviously never had a shiatsu. I mean, I thought Harry was talking out his butt when he was saying how great they were but, man, he sure wasn't."

"Ioki goes there, too?"

"Nah, he gets them at his gym, but you have to be a member and it's all the way across town from my place, so –" Penhall tried to explain as Fuller came around his desk and threw open the door to his office.

"Ioki! Office! Now!" he bellowed.

§§§

Adam Fuller moaned softly as the palms of the massage therapist dug deeply into his back, first in one direction then another. So _this_ is shiatsu. He could understand now why Ioki and Penhall liked them so much. And since the women at the Holistic Whole Life Center were all fully clothed there was virtually no chance of getting raided here and called into the boss's office to explain an array of embarrassing photographs.

End.


End file.
